


Frostbite and Forgiveness

by Schmandolini



Series: WinterIron: Frostbite [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: James “Bucky” Barnes is a good bro, M/M, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Not Wanda Friendly, Post CA:CW, Pre-Relationship, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, but not bashing exactly, starkbucks - Freeform, steve is background mostly but not a good bro, winteriron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-04 04:21:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14584839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schmandolini/pseuds/Schmandolini
Summary: As the cold reality of the so-called 'civil war' set in, Tony and Bucky both struggle with their own fears. Tony has been painted as a monster but Bucky could only think how this man, whose parents he killed, was kind to him.





	Frostbite and Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> So, i’m intending this to be a part of a bigger series. Wrote this in one go. Will come back and edit and rewrite tomorrow haha but for now i had TOO MANY Tony feels. ENJOY!!

Tears blurred Tony’s vision. He blinked, trying to breathe but the air stung his lungs and he felt cold. That’s the only thing he could feel. “Fr-Friday?” He mumbled, doubting she would still be functional. As he lay on his back in the bunker, in Siberia, in the broken suit, he thought of all possible ways he could get himself out of this one.

He couldn’t really bring himself to think, however. He was so cold.

Friday didn’t respond, but this was no surprise. He could only hope that she had sent out a signal before dying. Before Steve had smashed his shield into the suit and ugly crack that had followed. The intense panic that Tony had felt, deep in his bones, the fear that he felt when he saw the anger in Steve’s eyes so clearly.

The cold crept in and he couldn’t move. He was tired and the suit was too heavy, too broken. He closed his eyes, not bearing to look at his surroundings but the visions he saw with closed eyes were just as miserable.

Watching his parents die. That had stung. All his life, he had blamed Howard. How could he have been so irresponsible, killing his mother in a car accident. Inebriated, they had said. But watching James ‘Bucky’ Barnes snap his mother’s neck in half as if it was nothing had broken his heart in ways he never thought he could feel pain. Watching the emotionless Winter Soldier kill his father had been a cold shock as well, watching the grotesque scene in front of him was sickening. Upheaving decades of emotions, buried and dealt with, he felt physically nauseous.

Really what had done it, was Steve. Deep inside, Tony knew Bucky wasn’t the same person as the Winter Soldier; he understood what it was like having your mind messed with. Sure, watching his parents get murdered in front of him and having the person next to him wasn’t easy. But it was Steve’s answer that had dealt the final blow.

“Don’t bullshit me, Rogers. Did you know?” He had asked. Maybe Steve hadn’t known, maybe he knew it was HYDRA but nothing more.

“Yes”

Tony’s mind went into overdrive, his heart racing and his skin burning with rage and hurt. His team captain, his teammate, his friend, his childhood hero had kept this secret from him. He didn’t even look apologetic that he hid the truth about his parents.

“He’s my friend”

“So was I”

But really, what did that mean to Steve? Tony thought miserably, lying there as the cold took over. His face stung, the faceplate disregarded somewhere. What did his supposed friendship to Tony even mean to Steve when he had a piece of his past right there? And sure, Tony wasn’t heartless, he could understand what it meant for a guy like Steve to have someone from his past- the world was confusing for people who were born into the right decade, it must be terrible for someone from the 30s. But it wasn’t as if Tony hadn’t tried to help Steve?

They had had a rough start- on both parts. Howard had implemented such an image of Steve as this glowing Captain of justice, righteousness and kindness. Something that Tony could never have lived up to, because how could a child live up to nostalgia? He grew up worshipping Steve as Captain America and when he turned a teenager, began to resent him. It was easy to blame him for the relationship he had with Howard. Really, it had been Howard’s view of Tony as a ‘creation’ and the level of his usefulness that had caused the relationship between the two men to deteriorate.

And of course for Steve, who just woke up in the future, there was Tony Stark. The paragon of everything wrong with the 21st century, apparently. If Tony only had read the background information and files SHIELD had on himself, he’s sure, he would have acted like that as well. Hated him. Well, he’s not kidding anyone, the self-loathing he feels is pretty striking.

But just as Tony thought the two could become close, true friends, something happened. He had been so excited to finally befriend the childhood hero he had. He found himself spending more and more time with Steve, bonding over their shared nightmares. Watching Steve draw and sketch, Steve watching him build and create. Tony had done his best to help Steve adjust to the modern way of life but then, Ultron happened. Wanda happened. The anxiety that ruled his being had already been a struggle, the sudden panic attacks, the nightmares. Wanda, messing with his head, was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

And here Tony was. Probably dying, in a former HYDRA base in Siberia, Russia. It felt like he was dying. He tried to move, move his hands, feet, anything, but all he could feel was the cold. The cold that would eventually turn into burning pain and then numbness. Maybe he would die. He couldn’t say he would fight it much. Falling asleep, surrounded by the most symbolic items that ruled his life for so long would be poetic. The shield. His suit. A HYDRA base.

Thoughts became jumbled as a burning sensation started chasing up his skin and he let his head fall to the side, letting out a final breath as he succumbed to the pain that was wracking his body.

*

Light. Warmth. Bright.

It was hard to process thoughts and he could only take in a few things. He blinked slowly and opened his eyes; finding Rhodey staring at him. Rhodey, his lifelong friend, one of the only people he could fully rely on, was sitting next to him in a wheelchair. That was the first thing Tony saw. The second thing, was that he was in a hospital.

And then it hit him.

The smell. The beeping of a machine next to him. The white hospital sheets. The grey walls. As he became more and more aware, the more sluggish he felt. There was no pain, per se, just a numb, sluggish feeling that he knew medication left. “Rhodes. Honey-bear” Tony mumbled, turning his head more towards his friend.

Rhodey smiled sadly, “Tony. You’re awake. How do you feel?”

“Like a thousand percent. What happened?” He asked, trying to sit up more but found he couldn’t move his body the way he wanted to know. He frowned in confusion, his head still sluggish. “Why can’t I move?”

“They have you on a lot of meds. Vision and I found you on the doorstep of death in Siberia. From the looks of it, Captain Fucking America had done this-this damage to you” He said, anger and hatred in his voice. His face was twisted in a mix of empathy and anger. “The cold-the cold did a lot of damage to. You had been there for almost 15 hours. I’m so sorry, Tones” Rhodey whispered.

Tony took a moment to process everything his best friend had said. “What-what damage is there?” he tried to stay calm, to stay clear-headed but he felt so tired.

“The cold damaged your hands the most.” At this, Tony’s mind cleared up uncomfortably. He tried to move his hands and he could barely feel the palms of his hands. He tensed up, something uncomfortable welling up inside him. “The suit did nothing to protect you from the temperatures. The doctors said you would have limited movement, it would be numb. They said you were lucky to still be alive. That’s not the worst of it, too.” Rhodey said slowly and rolled forward, getting closer. He took Tony’s face in one hand and pulled the thick blanket down, revealing a familiar blue light.

Tony looked down and he felt his stomach drop. “The arc reactor. That bad, huh?” He said. “I can’t even feel it right now” He chuckled humourlessly. “But to be fair, I can’t feel anything”  
“I’m so sorry, Tony.” Rhodey sighed and leant back in his wheelchair, a grim look on his face.

“It’s really not your fault, Rhodes. I-I never thought it would come to this. And you-your legs. I’m really sorry. It’s all my fault.” Tony started, guilt crawling up his spine and taking a hold of his heart. He knew it was his fault. St- Rogers’ too but Tony blamed himself more. But Rhodey interrupted him, “Tony, no. Don’t blame yourself for this. I knew exactly what I was getting into. And I would take your side and fight beside you any time. Any time. I-I don’t love this situation, I don’t. it sucks. But I do not regret fighting for and with you.” Rhodey had such a look of determination on his face that Tony didn’t know how to respond.

“I’m serious. I’m fine. I’m alive and you’re alive. I can’t ask for more” Rhodey sounded so sincere that Tony almost didn’t feel bad. Almost.

Tony released a breath he didn’t realise he was holding and leant back in the bed, closing his eyes. He felt exhausted. “Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up. Or that Spider kid. You know, he’s been coming to visit? He’s in high school, they really start off young these days. But I’ve been kicking him out to go to school because if there’s one thing we all know is the value of education. I remember in senior year, you wanted to-“ Rhodey’s soothing and familiar voice blended into the background, lulling Tony to sleep and he faded out of consciousness.

*

_Cold. Dark. Concrete walls. “He’s my friend!! He’s my friend!!” A voice achingly familiar shouts at him. Pain. A sickening crunch. Metal hitting metal. He can’t breathe. “No! Don’t!” He hears himself yelling and starts running. He tries to run. But he finds himself looking up at Steve. His terrifyingly angry blue eyes stare back at him. “I’m sorry!” Tony sobs, trying to defend himself. Steve, his shield in hand, about to throw it at Tony and he is motionless, powerless to stop it. “NO” He yells, as the shield is about to lodge itself into his suit-his chest! Tony’s not wearing the suit anymore, his chest bare with the arc reactor embedded in the middle. “Please, Steve”_

_Steve lets go_

_So does Tony_

*

“No!” Tony gasped as he woke up, small hands shaking his shoulders. He woke up to find Peter above him, worried eyes watching him. “Mr. Stark, it’s only a nightmare! A dream!” He tried to calm Tony down and Tony sighed and swallowed the feeling of guilt. “h-hey, kid” He mumbled and let his head fall back onto the pillow, rubbing his face with his hands. He barely felt his hands.

Peter sat back down, close to the bed. “Are you okay?” He asked tentatively. He had his books out on the end of the bed, clearly having done some homework. Tony felt a bit better at that. He nodded, taking in a deep breath. Guilt and anguish still sat in the pits of his stomach but he smiled weakly at the kid. “How long you been here? How-how long was I out?”

“um, I’ve been here for two hours. I think you were out for a day. Rhodey would have stayed here but he has physio. He wanted me to tell you that. With a stern face. He said it like this” Peter grinned and imitated Rhodey, pointing a finger at Tony. “’I have physio and it’s going okay so don’t blame yourself.’ The doctors said while he may never regain full control over his legs again, he can gain back movement and such.” Peter smiled brightly. Tony felt relieved and smiled genuinely, “oh, thank god.” He mumbled.

“They also wanted me to tell them when you wake up again. Should I go get them?” Peter stood up, eager to help. It ached Tony’s heart, the young teen’s heart.

Tony nodded slowly, “Yeah. Go on.”

Peter left and came back after a few seconds with a doctor, a tall woman with tied back black hair and a focused look on her face.

“Mr. Stark-“

“Please, call me Tony. It’s bad enough that Junior here calls me Mr. stark” Tony chuckled softly and motioned to Peter who smiled sheepishly.

“Tony.” The doctor sighed softly, “My name’s Doctor Linn. How are you feeling? The meds should still be numbing the pain” She said, holding a chart and a pen.

“Yeah, that sounds about right. I can barely feel anything. A bit cold, I guess.” Tony sighed. The cold was ever present in his spine, in his lungs. He was almost missing the distraction of pain.

“Colonel Rhodes told me that he informed you about the state of your hands. But as your primary physician, I would like to go over the full extent of your physical injuries. Do you mind if Mr. Parker is in here with you?” The doctor said, professional through and through.

Tony shook his head and braced himself for the full list.

*

Turned out, not having full mobility and feelings over your hands, sucked.

After being released from the hospital, he moved back into the Tower. He carefully avoided any reminder of the Av- Rogue Avengers. Of Steve. Rhodey was with him when he was released, Pepper joining them at the tower. Pepper.

Tony had had no idea what to do when he saw the beautiful woman with worry in her eyes but before he could react or say anything, she had hugged him tightly. “You Idiot” She had whispered, teary voice diminishing any anger she had meant. “I know” Tony muttered and she pulled away, cupping his cheeks. “I’m so glad you’re here” She had said with a warm smile on her face and looked at Rhodey. “We’re still alive” Rhodey had said in response, a smile mirroring Pepper’s.

Tony would be sick of that sentence if he didn’t feel that sentiment as well. At least, at the very least, Rhodey was alive. Pepper was alive. Peter, thank _fuck_ , was completely uninjured. He didn’t know what he would have done if Peter had been injured. “I would have healed, Mr. Stark” Peter replied one time when Tony had voiced his concerns and Tony could only sigh in response.

Pepper and Rhodey had prepared the penthouse for Tony; stocking it up with his favourite food, coffee, cleaned anything out that remotely reminded him of the past. Tony, hands held behind his back, walked through. “I will be moving in the floor below, by the way. Friday, am I all set up?” Rhodey asked the AI to which the AI responded, “ _Of course, Colonel Rhodes_.”

“You-you don’t have to do that, Rhodes. I’m a grown man, I can look after myself” Tony said, guilt biting away at his conscience. “I know. But you don’t have to. And I want to spend my time making sure you’re okay. Who are you to deprive me of my right to do that?” Rhodey chuckled softly, sliding the wheelchair over to Tony to bump him. Tony chuckled softly, a smile creeping onto his face.

“Oh, honey-bear, you warm my cold heart” He said in response and Pepper smiled. “Anyone hungry? I just learnt how to make this _delicious_ meal I had when I was at a meeting in India, I really want an opinion on it” She said and marched over to the kitchen, the two men following her.

If Tony could only ignore the cold, numb feeling in his heart, it would be perfect. Pepper was there. Rhodey was there. Peter would come by later. It would be nice, if he could ignore the cold.

*

It didn’t last, not really. Reality set in and while people were _very_  sympathetic to his new, slight disability, life went on and he was expected to go with it. There was nothing more that Tony wanted than to go down to his workshop and bury himself in work. But he couldn’t do that. His hands were a problem he did not want to confront. He could do most things fine, if a bit shaky. He could hold a mug without shaking too much, hold a spoon without dropping too much food. The more tricky things that required his fingers to move were intolerable. He couldn’t text. He! Tony Stark, futurist, couldn’t text. And the weight of the loss of his dexterity came crashing one night.

One night, where Tony would have crashed back into his alcoholic, self-destructive ways had it not been for Rhodey. Rhodey, who was such a _force_ of nature, who poured out all the liquor they had and who forbid Friday from buying more. ‘Forbid’, it was more a mutual agreement. Rhodey, who had distracted him with the most senseless things they could do.

Tony didn’t deserve him.

The Accords were another things. Now that Tony was on his way to recovery, the amendments on the Accords were being drafted and Tony had not wanted anything to do with the goddamn Accords. The Accords who were there to give Superheroes responsibility and accountability, something Steve had felt threatened by. But he knew, he knew, the world was becoming a more and more dangerous, unpredictable place. The universe was unpredictable and Earth had to be ready.

Tony did not know how he did it. But instead of falling into a wave of wallowing self-pity, which he indulged himself in at night but no one needed to know that, he found the strength to continue.

He drafted and designed plans, he attended meetings and helped draft new legislation for the amendments of the Accords, he met regularly with Peter to help him with anything the kid needed help with; sometimes it was just to hang out.

The letter and the flip phone. Tony had read the letter, holding it with the fingers he could not feel and read it with the arc reactor in his chest. ‘ _I know I hurt you, Tony_.’ A bitter, petty part of him thought that no, Steve had absolute no idea. ‘ _If you need me-I’ll be there_ ’ was the line that had Tony crumble the letter as best as he could.

He didn’t need Steve Rogers. He didn’t need his former teammates, who were all so eager to turn on him. He had a new family. He kept the phone, however. Tony was not dumb enough to throw it away; he knew something big was coming and he knew that when the time came, they needed everyone to fight. He didn’t like it, but neither did he like the fact that something was coming to attack Earth.

*

Working on the pardons for the Rogue Avengers proved to more tricky than he originally thought. He could completely understand the opposition- he didn’t want them back either. He couldn’t even think of a good reason as to why he was advocating for them to return other than his guilt. It wasn’t fair that they were fugitives, gaining sanctuary in Wakanda but it also wasn’t fair that Tony lost his mobility over his fingers and Rhodey lost his walking. He would consider himself useless but really, he wasn’t just his fingers.

Besides, they were in Wakanda. Tony had never been, but he knew enough from T’Challa that it was a technological _paradise_ so, if anything, they were in heaven and Tony was actually a bit jealous. He’d been working with the King on the amendments of the Accords and pardons for the other Avengers so he saw quite a bit of the King, who had let him in on the secret. T’Challa also had told him that if he ever wanted to visit or meet with Shuri, he was more than willing to set it up. Which had been the best thing to come out of those meetings.

It was tricky, it took forever, and it was tedious. But finally, after 8 months- _8 months since Siberia_ \- the Accords Council accepted the amendments and the Rogue Avengers were pardoned.

The next question was, where would they live?

*

Tony had two conditions. One, they would not live in his tower. They could live in the Avengers Compound; something they were familiar with. But they were not welcome in his home, these people he couldn’t trust and wouldn’t. Second, he didn’t have to see or talk to them outside of missions. He could still be Iron Man, was currently working on a new voice command to regain the control over his hands through his voice in the suit, but it was a slow process.

Through T’Challa, Tony found out that the Rogue Avengers were not happy with his conditions. And he found, he didn’t care. Out of all the fugitives, he only trusted one and that was Sam. Sam who seemed the most rational one out of all of them.

What he did not expect to hear was that, upon hearing Tony’s conditions, the bashing of him by Wanda, Clint and Steve [this, he did expect], Bucky had defended Tony staunchly. Not only defended Tony but had downright insulted the other Avengers.

Tony was surprised but wrote it off as Bucky feeling guilty and nothing more. He heard that Bucky, with the help of Shuri and the advancement of Wakanda, had done a full recovery of being the Winter Soldier and had gotten a new arm from them. It was nice to hear that the man was doing well; while he was still dealing with the feeling of seeing his mother killed, he did not blame Bucky. He blamed HYDRA and he also blamed Steve.

He had thought about Steve’s reasons for hours and hours. He thought of it form every point of view but never go to the same conclusion as Steve had; to keep it a secret. He could understand the reasoning, he did. But after Ultron, Tony had thought that there would be no more secrets. He learnt the hard way that secrets could destroy lives.

So, he blamed Steve. He was afraid of Wanda. He didn’t trust Clint, not _really_ , he didn’t know Scott Lang well enough to form an opinion of him and he didn’t want any of them in his home. Not when he had just learned how to be comfortable with himself, with Rhodey, with Peter and with Pepper. Not when he felt he could **finally** get over the cold. Maybe not heal, maybe not get rid of this depression he felt and never over his fucking PTSD but maybe over the cold. He wanted to be warm again.

*

Things just never seemed to work out for Tony, however. The first mission went as well as one would think. Doom-bots. Out of all things, out of all, it was Doom-bots.

Easy. Clean. Quick. Done.

That’s what one would have thought.

The alarm had shaken him out of sleep, or at least trying to sleep and reaching a state of semi-sleep, and he had stumbled to change out of his pyjamas and the under suit especially designed to wear underneath the suit; he was never going to be cold again.

He fumbled, his fingers slow but he managed his best and ran to the penthouse exit, walking onto the balcony and entering the suit. The suit built up around him, the new and improved mark built out of Nano-technology. Friday was in his ear, informing him of the whereabouts of the bots and the other Avengers. It was 7 am. Peter better not be there, Tony thought as he blasted off into the sky, he should be on his way to school.

The doom-bots were concentrated mostly around central park, which was empty except for the occasional jogger and dog-walker. When Rogers’ voice came over the comm, Tony thanked a god he didn’t believe in that Friday was mostly in control of the suit because if tony had been, he would have crashed.

“Iron Man, it’s good to have you. The doom-bots are headed out of the park to attack civilians. East. Destroy them before they reach civilians!” Rogers spoke in his Captain America voice with a tone of rugged anger that wasn’t there before hand.

“Copy that” is all Tony replied. He muted the comms and began the voice command to tell Friday exactly what to do. His fingers ached as they usually did but he was determined not to show any weakness in front of _them_.

The doom-bots were defeated so quickly, it was embarrassing for Doom. He slipped through their hands as always, vowing to return another day but they all knew he wouldn’t reappear for a while.

Before the so-called ‘Civil War’, the victory at the end of a mission was so fulfilling. A group hug, some food, some laughter. A warm, happy atmosphere. Nothing was perfect, they weren’t perfect but they defeated the bad guys and could call it a day. It had been so easy.

Now, Tony was so uncomfortable he felt he was about to pass out. He was on his way back to the tower when he heard Rogers’ voice calling for him. “Tony, where are you? Tony, we need to talk!” his voice pleaded.

“He thinks he’s better than us, Cap, with his golden floors” Clint sneered and Wanda laughed. Tony’s heart froze but he didn’t turn back. He didn’t answer. He turned off the comm and when he reached the familiar sigh of the tower, he landed on the balcony and took the suit off.

Rhodey was in the kitchen, making breakfast with a sleepy face on. “Morning, tony. How did it go?” He asked, brewing some coffee. Tony sighed, “as well as one could think it would go.”

“Did they try anything?”

“Try anything? Like talk to me? Rogers tried at the end but I just-“ he threw up his hands in what he hoped would be a non-chalant gesture, “ignored him.”

Rhodey frowned, “How did that feel?”

“Not good” Tony admitted, sighing and sat down on a stool by the counter.

“You know, one thing I used to admire about Rogers was his determination. Now, that’s the worst thing about him.” Rhodey said as he poured a cup of coffee and Tony stood up, walking up next to him. He nudged the cup towards Tony who accepted with a smile.

“What’s your point?” Tony asked adding a shit ton of sugar.

“Maybe you should prepare yourself in case Rogers goes crazy again and thinks its his god given right to talk to you” Rhodey said with a sigh and poured himself a cup.

“Mh. Probably. Guy thinks the whole world should bow down to him because he thinks he’s right” Tony sighed and shook his head, taking the coffee with him as he left the kitchen. “I’ll be down in the workshop if you need anything, honey-bear” Tony called out as he walked towards the elevator.

“I’ll bring you some lunch later. It’ll be almost as if we’re married” Rhodey yelled after him with amusement in his voice.

“Almost is a wish away from reality” Tony replied and stepped into the elevator, already sketching out new plans for some updates on the spider-suit.

*

James ‘Bucky’ Barnes used to be a patient man. Or so, he’s been told. He’s been told a lot of what he used to be. While he was staying in Wakanda, life had been wondrous. Shuri had taken care of his arm, T’Challa provided amazing therapists who helped him with his conscience and the sun had given him warmth he hadn’t felt in years. He knew he was supposed to feel amazing, and he did feel incredibly grateful to T’Challa and Shuri for everything they were doing, but he couldn’t shake it off. Something. It. Whatever it was. The therapist T’Challa had provided, a beautiful and strong woman called Nakia, had helped him come to grips that he is neither Bucky nor Winter Soldier and both. He didn’t understand it the first time she mentioned it. She had suggested that he should go by James, sensing his hesitance to the name ‘Bucky’.

Steve always talked about the ‘good old days’. James remembered them, he remembered everything-thanks to Shuri. But it was as if he was watching a film- disconnected. He didn’t feel a connection to his memories. He didn’t even tell Steve he wanted to be called James, not Bucky. But Steve had these puppy eyes that glowed whenever he talked to him.

And when he didn’t, Steve looked miserable. Bucky didn’t know much but he knew Steve missed Tony. Even if he didn’t want to admit it in front of the others; especially not Wanda or Clint. And James didn’t waste any time with Wanda. He didn’t trust her and he didn’t like her- something that Steve tried to rectify as many times as he could.

He didn’t see her as anything but someone who willingly went to HYDRA and underwent willing experiments. He didn’t trust her and he didn’t see why the others did. So he kept his distance.

His mind felt his own and he wouldn’t risk it just for the sake of pleasing Steve and play pretend family.

When the news came that Tony had succeeded in granting their pardons, it was as if a giant boulder had been lifted off of James. He loved Wakanda- he loved everything about it. The technology was something akin to science fiction movies, the people were kind and friendly and he got along with Shuri well. But it wasn’t home, it wasn’t _his_ home. It’s not like America was _his_ home either however he felt a yearning for it. He wanted to see 21st century New York City for himself and he was eager to meet Tony and beg for his forgiveness- it was the least he could do. It was something he needed to do. Steve insisted he wasn’t the winter soldier and he’s not to blame but Steve doesn’t have to deal with the fact that his own hands murdered hundreds of people.

So when the Rogue Avengers heard of Tony’s conditions- which James felt were very understandable- they reacted by spitting insults over Tony. Entitled, greedy, rich asshole.

When Steve didn’t say anything however and just nodded along, James stood up with anger and guilt in his heart.

He clenched the fist of his metal arm, pointing at Wanda and Clint with his human hand. “Shut the fuck up! This man just gave us a ticket home and you insult him?! He may not be a saint but he might as well be, for giving us the chance to go home and for clearing our names. Your names. My name. You have no right to talk about Tony Stark the way you do.” James said, voice low and dangerous. It was at times of this, angry and guilty, that the soldier was in the back of his head- _let me out. Let me do this._

“But he’s a monster!” Wanda spat, her face twisted in disgust and anger and that was what prompted James to slam his fist onto the table they were sat at and yell, “You’re the fucking monster we should be afraid of- the one we should be wary of! A fucking hydra agent with powers over minds ‘turned good’?! Over my fuckin’ brain-washed ass!” James yelled, his eyes furious. He expected Steve to jump up to defend Wanda any second but he was silent for the time being, which surprised James.

Wanda glared at him and it was Clint who defended Wanda, a hand placed over her shoulder and a glare at James. “Fuck off, Barnes. She’s made mistakes but she’s on the right side! You should understand, you were at the hands of Hydra as well!”

James blinked, lost control for a second and found himself slamming Clint’s head against the table. “It was not the same and you know it. I never fucking volunteered” He hissed and looked up at Wanda who had her hands up, determined look on her face and red in her hands.  
Steve finally stepped in, putting himself between James and Wanda, a concerned, deep frown on his face. “Bucky, let Clint go. Wanda, put your hands down. We’re going home, and that’s all. That’s final!”

James trusted Wanda even less since then and made sure to let it show.

*

Arriving back in America was rough. They arrived at the Compound, greeted by Sharon Carter. To describe it as awkward would be too kind. Sharon kept an icy, cool stare at all of them, informing them of the rules and their privileges and punishments. They had a curfew, had to inform SHIELD where they were going to if they left the compound and had limited access across the compound.

“If this is Tony’s way of punishing us, it seems-“ Steve started saying, a frown signalling he disliked these infringements on his freedom of movement.

“I assure you, Mr. Rogers, it isn’t. Mr. Stark has no power over your movement” Sharon said, slight anger in her tone.

“I bet he wishes he did” Wanda hissed but was silenced with a glare from Sharon.

“You will have to undergo physical and psychological training if you want to become active on field, again.” She informed them as she led them inside and James nodded but the others looked displeased at this.

After Sharon finished setting the rules, she turned to James. “Mr. Barnes, would you like me to show you around?”

Steve shook his head, “No need, Sharon. I can do that” He said before James could say anything and James put his hand up to stop Steve.

“I can also speak for myself. I would prefer it if Ms. Carter showed me around” James said, tired of Steve’s nagging presence. He loved the guy, even if he couldn’t feel the emotional connection to his past, but Steve was beginning to suffocating James.

Steve looked as if someone had kicked a puppy in front of him and Sam laughed at his face, a knowing smile on his face. Out of all of them, James liked Sam the most. The ex-veteran understood James and provided a non-judgemental ear for him to listen.

*

James, now settled in America, was eager to leave the compound and explore the new century. He was also eager to try and contact Tony Stark but he waited. He knew and completely understood why Stark kept his distance. He would wait until Stark was comfortable enough to let them near, and he would apologise then. Apologise and grovel, really.

But Steve was antsy. Nervous. Anxious. Pacing. It drove James up the wall.

One day, 9 months after Siberia, James walked into the kitchen of the compound and found Steve pacing around the room, around the sitting Scott, Clint, Sam, Natasha and the Witch.

“What’s happenin’?” James asked Sam, eyebrows raised. Sam sighed, “Steve’s trying to get into contact with Tony. Tony’s still ignoring him. Us. Steve’s thinking that maybe he needs to do something to make Tony talk to him. I’m tryna tell him, it’s a bad idea.” He said exasperated then turned to Steve, who was still pacing. “I’m telling you, if he wants to talk to you, he’ll contact you. If he doesn’t, making him talk to you will make the situation worse”

“No, it won’t. If you just talk to him, make him see your point of view, he will see. He will see, Steve” Wanda crooned with a pretty voice. “And then we can all come home, we can move back to the tower. I’m sure that’s where Stark’s hiding Vision” She said, sighing.

James glared at the witch, seeing through her pretty voice and sweet talking.

Steve didn’t.

“I will do that, then. I will make him see my way and all will be well. He will see what we once had and will see the right in our way” Steve said slowly. Sam stood up, walking around the table and placed a hand on Steve's shoulder. "Steve. We talked about this. Consent is most important, it's different from back then. You  _have_ to respect people's choices."

Wanda stood up, anger in her eyes. She felt so righteous, James could tell, and it was sickening. She thought she was in the right. "Stark didn't respect my choices, he doesn't respect anyone'S choices! He doesn't respect anyone, really!" She said with such  _venom_ in her voice, James thought she was using her powers on them as well. Maybe she knew, maybe she didn't. He wouldn't listen to it, though. 

But before James could intervene, it was Sam who became the voice of reason. "That's not true, and you know it. But nevertheless, we are not petulant children. Holding grudges is not healthy, and holding the past against someone is  _definitely_ not!"

"Tell that to Stark" Clint huffed and Sam shook his head, disappointed and tired. 

All of this, James would have hoped it would change Steve's mind, did nothing to change Steve's mind.  Steve shook his head, "We have to clear the past. Clear what was said, what was done. Tony will see our reasons and everything can go back to the way it was" He spoke with his Captain America voice. 

James turned back to his coffee, shaking his head. This could only lead to disaster.

*

One mission, _12 months after Siberia_ , went wrong. It went right and then wrong.

It went right as in they won, they beat ‘the bad guys’ and all went according to plan.

It went wrong as in James’ metal arm got blown to pieces and he was now lying on the floor, in pain.

Burning heat consumed his left shoulder, half of the shoulder still attached to his body and metal bits lying all around him. “Fuc-fuck! Fuck!!” He cursed, banging his head against the floor. The villain in question had created a machine that controlled multiple smaller machines. Those machines could run quickly and shoot- James isn't sure here- lasers. Blasters? Something hot and it was fuckin' painful, that's all he knew.

“Bucky! Are you okay?!” Steve called, panicked. Steve was a few blocks away, James knew this, and would probably be already on his way. 

“Fuck, yes, I’m here. I’m alive. Keep the fight going!” He yelled in pain and sat up slowly, focusing his mind on standing up and getting out of the fight zone. It wasn't smart for Steve to come to his rescue. He could handle the pain and Steve was needed for the battle. 

That’s when something changed. Something, James really didn’t see coming.

Iron Man landed in front of him, extended a hand and said, “Fight’s almost over. The others have it. Come with me, I’ll try my best to recreate an arm for you”

It was all James could do not to drop his jaw.

“ye-yeah” He nodded and let Iron Man pick him up and took off, clinging to the suit.

*

“It won’t be as good as Wakanda tech but until you can go back to Shuri, I’m afraid I will have to do” Tony Stark smiled at James Barnes. The two were currently in Tony’s workshop- a clean, organised workspace with a whole bunch of technology that James would never understand- looking over schematics that Stark had taken out of his desk.

James could only hope to know why Stark had ready blueprints of a metallic arm for him.

“I will take anything you give me” James muttered in amazement. It took him a good two seconds to realise how that sounded and looked up quickly, cheeks reddening slightly. “I-I meant, your tech is amazing and I’m sure your arm will also be amazing. I’m honestly so grateful you’re even considering giving me an arm!”

Instead of turning James away, Stark threw his head back and let out a laugh. He looked gorgeous with a smile on his face. He quickly smothered that thought and moved onto the arm.

“It’s the least I could do.” Stark said with no hint of animosity or hostility in his voice. James bit his lip, afraid of angering the man and completely ruining everything but this was his chance to clear the air; apologise.

“It’s so much more than the least. I know you must hate me and I don’t blame you at all for it, I-“ “Let me stop you there, James Barnes” Stark said carefully, putting a hang up in the air.

“I don’t hate you and I don’t blame you. Was I angry when I found out? Of course I was. I’m still somewhat angry but I don’t blame you. I blame hydra. I-I am sorry that I attacked you and that we fought. That wasn’t fair. You had no choice in anything and I understand that. Me, giving you an arm, that’s atonement. I know what it’s like to have your head messed with and it’s not nice. I can’t imagine what it must have been like, to be like that for seventy years.” Stark spoke calmly, apologetic at points but he spoke with kindness in his voice and James felt ready to die of shame.

“That is- I didn’t expect that.” James said, stumped. He really didn’t.

Stark shrugged and smiled softly if what weakly. “I know that Rogers probably painted a certain picture of me but I’m not entirely an asshole. I understand brainwashing and mind control.”

James tilted his head to the side slowly, “You speak like you have experience?” He asked gently.

Stark nodded, a dark look in his eyes as he looked down. “I do. But the point is, there is nothing to forgive. It’s not your fault.” Stark looked back up. “Now, what do you say, I fix the stump of you shoulder for now and get started on your arm later?”

“That sounds amazing. Where do you want me?” James asked, smiling. It took him a good two seconds to realise how that sounded and opened his mouth to rectify his words but Stark waved him, chuckling again.

“Sit over there” Stark pointed to a desk further away with a seat next to it and tools scattered over it.

“Now, my fingers aren’t what they used to be so bear with me” He said as the two walked over and James sat down next to the desk.

“What do you mean?” James asked curiously.

“Frostbite. Siberia.” Is all Stark said and James felt his stomach drop to the floor and his heart weigh heavy with guilt.

“Oh no. Oh fuck. Oh my god, Stark, I am so sorry, I had no idea, I-“

“It’s-" Stark waved his hands in the air, "I also got this back” Stark muttered and put his hand over the glowing blue light in his chest.

James, not knowing what ‘this’ was, frowned. “This?”

“You don’t know?” Tony sat down on the chair and looked at James with questioning eyes. “What did Rogers tell you about me? About- the Iron Man suit?” He hesitated with the last question.

“He said you invented a new element, new tech to power the Iron Man suit. He said that the blue glow was part of the suit. It powers it. I-I didn’t realise it was part of your chest. Part of your body” James said, slowly realising that not only Steve lied to him about a major detail about Stark; but also that he had tried to rip out something that was part of Stark’s body. He blanched, his face draining of all colour and he clenched his right fist. He felt sick with realization, and angry at Steve. How could he lie about something so  _important_? The memory of Siberia left a bitter taste in James' mouth. 

“Fuck, if I’d have known, I would have never gone for your light. I wouldn’t have let Steve hit you like that. I wouldn’t have left-“ James started, shaking his head and voice becoming teary but again, Stark stopped him. Today was a day of surprises and James could not believe what he heard next.

“Stop. It makes no sense to go over the past and think about all the ways it could have gone. I’m sure if you had known, things would be different. Maybe things wouldn’t be the way they are now. But things are the way they are now. We can’t change that. You can’t. I can’t. I’ve tried. I know you feel guilty and honestly, I understand how sick guilt feels. Try not to feel too much of it, you didn’t know. It’s easy to blame it all on Rogers too, don’t do that. That won’t get you anywhere, either.” Stark said, sounding more and more defeated as he started working on the stump that was James’ arm.

“I’m pissed, don't get me wrong. Honestly, I thought I was rid of the arc reactor forever. But I guess it’s not done with me. Rhodey, my best friend, sunshine of my life, is a great motivational speaker. Honestly, the man’s in a wheelchair and sure, he’s not ecstatic about it but he is just so happy that we’re both alive and conscious that it doesn’t matter. Our bodies may not be what they used to be but it could be a lot worse” Stark said. It sounded more as if he was trying to convince himself rather than James but James nodded along.

“I’m still incredibly sorry. And anything you want me to do, I will do it. I’m forever in your debt. So is Steve, but he’s an idiot and it takes him a while to recognise when he’s not right.” James sighed.

“Has he uh-“ Stark looked up at James with eyebrows raised, “always been like that?”

“Oh, you have no idea.” James sighed again, for dramatic effect, for exasperation, for humour and Stark chuckled but it held no humour.

“One time, we had this argument about laundry. He was convinced I was doing it wrong. He didn’t speak to me for days. Turns out, our next door neighbour was the one who sabotaged our laundry in order to hang hers. His grovelling was something of a Hollywood actor, let me tell you” James told Stark, partly annoyed and partly amused because Steve could be such a beacon of righteousness that it could be annoying. And dangerous.

But the story made Stark smile, so James thought it was an accomplishment. 

"I can believe that." He mumbled in reply, focusing on the stump of James' shoulder. They settled into not quite awkward silence (but not quite comfortable) and James looked around the workshop. It was so different to Shuri's lab but James was no less curious. Waking up in 2017, ignoring all of the  _negatives_ in his life, was something he could never dream of. Being his own person, he feels incredibly blessed and astonished by everything tech and culture. James was eager to explore more and more, anything he could get his hands- hand- on. 

It didn’t take long before Stark sealed the stump so James wouldn’t have any problems until Stark could attach an entire arm. When James was almost at the door, Stark called out to him. “Oh and, by the way, call me Tony. I hate it when people call me by my surname.” He said with a smile on his face.

“Okay, Tony. Call me James.” James said and chuckled when Tony gasped comedically.

“Not Bucky? What does Rogers say to that?”

“He doesn’t know. Being a dick about it cause he thinks I’m still Bucky.” James grinned.

“I feel honoured, James. Jim. Jimothy” Tony smiled softly then his face spread into unaltered joy as he laughed.

 _'Jimothy? That’s not a real name is it?'_ James decided to voice his confusion, “Jimothy?” his frown turned into a small smile.

“Jimothy." Tony grinned, seemingly proud of himself. "Maybe Jimothy will be our always" 

"uh-what?" He'll remember this; it's probably a reference to something. It was the way Tony was smiling brightly at him, he couldn't help but chuckle in response.

"Nevermind, sweet-cheeks. I’ll call you once I have updates.” Tony smiled brilliantly, clearly happy with himself, and James waved as he left the workshop.

Walking out of the tower and into the streets of New York City, he pulled out his phone and saw that Steve had called him 25 times and left him 30 texts. Mostly, ‘what is tony doing with you? where are you?’

James walked out of the tower, rolling his eyes, feeling better than he had in months. Years.

Little did he know that this meeting left Tony feeling better than he had in months, too. Years, maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I've updated it! I just added some emphasis, rewrote some things. But there's still probably some things that I might have overlooked. I added more of Sam's characterisation so hopefully, Sam and James could team up to get Team Cap's heads out of their own asses. I'm planning two more parts of this series; to continue James' and Tony's building friendship/relationship and maybe a redemption arc for Steve and Clint.


End file.
